What Is OCD?

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OCD is an acronym for obsessive compulsive disorder, which is a hellish and haunting state of being. Someone who suffers with OCD is a prisoner of their mind and a slave to their thoughts What Is OCD?.

 I know because I was in bondage throughout my entire undergraduate college career What Is OCD?.

As a body builder, I spent four years preoccupied with my obsession of sculpting the perfect body What Is OCD?.

 However, this obsession was doomed from the start as I was born with a slight deformity; the left side of my chest protrudes out slightly further then my right side What Is OCD? .

 As a result I am naturally asymmetrical; however, I would not accept this fact at the time.

I became obsessed with finding out how I could correct this asymmetry. I considered giving extra reps to my right pectoral in hopes of matching the size of the left What Is OCD?.

 I convinced myself that the more muscular I became the less noticeable the asymmetry would become What Is OCD?.

 But this fantastical thinking had no basis in reality. As I became aware of this fact I strongly considered, obsessed and fantasized about cosmetic surgery What Is OCD?.

At the same time my greatest fear was having someone find out that I had this slight deformity. You see at the gym I was always getting complimented on being "Jacked" and "Cut up" (meaning I was muscular and defined)What Is OCD?.

 I developed the belief that everyone around me thought that I had this perfect body; however, inside I felt like an absolute freak What Is OCD?.

 My greatest fear was that someone would discover this deformity and that I would be exposed as a phony What Is OCD?.

I literally spent 95% of my thought process strategizing on how to hide this slight deformity at any given moment What Is OCD?.

What Is OCD? Each time that I walked around campus all that I could think about was making sure that no one could notice the slight protrusion of my left peck.

What Is OCD? I was in constant paranoia as I walked to class.

 My most common "trick" (compulsion) was to switch the shoulder that I carried my bag on in such a way that it best concealed my slight asymmetry What Is OCD?.

Even as I sat in the lecture hall I continually obsessed on what people around me saw as they looked at me What Is OCD?.

 Therefore, my next most common "trick" (compulsion), was to adjust my shirt to a position where I was satisfied that my slight protrusion would not be noticed What Is OCD?.

What Is OCD? I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I performed these "tricks" hundreds of times each and every day.

I remember days when it took me forty five minutes to get dressed because I was so consumed with a particular shirt wearing a certain way on my chest What Is OCD?.

 I would sometimes change my shirt 5-10 times before going out because it didn't satisfy me from every angle in the mirror.

 What Is OCD? And I would have little hissy fits every time I found the imperfection in the way the shirt looked.

 There were days when I would spend hours alone in my dorm room in distress, silently yelling at God and telling Him how much I hated Him because of the body that He gave me What Is OCD?.

What Is OCD? This was a terrible time in my life as I was constantly fearful, paranoid, obsessive and compulsive.

 What Is OCD? Performing my "tricks" (compulsions), hundreds of times each day, only provided a very fleeting sense of relief for the anxiety that I was feeling (which stemmed from my obsession) What Is OCD?.

 What Is OCD? And I was stuck in this dreadful cycle for four long years. It is only through the grace of God that I am now free.

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